Euthanasia - 10/28/11

Update - August 7, 2022

Recently I have thought about Peter Peepers (the tabby in this picture) who endured more than 11 years after Benino.  Beni and Pete were constant companions.  Peter joined us 2 years after Beni and Pete has outlived Beni, Jasper and then Armando.

Peter has been demanding, insistent (like to sit on the table and claw the furniture).  Pete made it to 19 years old in late May of this year and has endured some kidney issues which have stabilized, some serious allergies and in the last 2 years, seizures.  He has some underlying issues that may be more annoying like vision and hearing loss, digestive issues (throws up or poops outside the box) and I wondered if he was happy.  I noticed his potty box habits changed, his fur was falling out at an alarming rate and that his breathing was erratic.  On Monday, July 25th, 2022 at about 2:45pm - Pete, me and his vet decided he didn't owe me another day.  19 years and 2 months were fantastic.  I chose to believe you and Benino are together again - happy and free of all that ailed you in the end.  Mommy adores you both.

Good death, so say the Greeks, is a pain free one.

Today I will lay to rest my dear Benino Ludwig (cat) after not quite 10 years together. I have enjoyed his sensitive and delicate nature. A bit moody. Loving, fuzzy - the way he does twisty stretches. Of my 3 cats - he shows a bit of remorse when he knows I'm not happy with what he does.

After 12 years of a very demanding and "fractious" boy kitty (Guido Luigi) - Beni was my treasure. So he will go in history - on my wall of fur - and be spoken of kindly...with Guido, Tavala, Rosie, Max, Suzie, Angel.... dear Benino.

Right now he sits in my lap. For the last year - I have struggled to understand all I could about urinary tract issues - bladder stones - cystitis - chronic systitis - FLUTD - and why these things may not respond to grain free food, apple cider vinegar, steroids. I avoided surgery until it is not too late. I returned from a short trip and he took a sudden turn for the worse. I collect my rationale to tell myself later in time "I did the best thing for him". Well as humans - we often dont know what that is.

I'm human and I dont know if I have done the best for him. But I have loved him. Now there is only one sure way to end his suffering....euthanasia. 3 hours away. I stroke his head and kiss him and whisper another prayer.

Dear boy - may you never have another moment of pain.... and please forgive me for making this decision...I don't know what else to do.

Love

Mom

Positively Campaign (or my happiness project)

Yesterday marked a year since the break-up of something I thought I really wanted. I looked over last years notes and decided those were not the words I wanted so publically on display. Something I criticize others for on Facebook. Mea culpa.

I've had a fairly smooth sailing life in the last year as far as relationships go (friendships and other) - except for work. As I learned last year - I fall into the category of cognitive distortion: meaning I get over agitated by perceiving my relationships incorrectly. I may over analyze, fear the worst. I may wait for the other shoe to drop.

This last year I'm in a new job - the workplace is a frustrated place with lots of ambiguity. I'm a project manager - a logical and often linear thinker. If I don't see clarity in my path - I get thrown off.

So - I'm working on a self-campaign to work on my own distortions.

Some of the campaign will be physical. In order to trick the brain into re-thinking - I need to be in better physical health.
a) eat the best brain foods that have MUFA's
b) vitamins k, D, complex B's
c) daily exercise - even if it's just 20 minutes
d) energy work - tapping, breathing, essential oils for serenity & immune boosting
e) brain wave therapy
f) do I need a maintenance boost from Nina or Jolene?

Then I need to exercise my yet poorly practiced cognitive re-awareness
a) am I over analyzing?
b) am I assuming the worst?
c) review the ANTS list (to be discussed later)

What about my financial health - that affects how I feel
a) debt elimination
b) savings - long and short term

Spiritual Health
a) church and service work on track?
b) prayer & meditation
c) scripture reading

More later.....

Are you going to the faire?

I love faires

Summertime, faires and fresh fruit are just the best tripple combo I can think of. Unless you add concerts and fireworks.

Wearing yellow and orange and flip flops make my day.

Fresh cut grass, watered lawns and effulgent gardens ROCK MY WORLD.

(note: I do not have a green thumb nor am I great at maintenance - but I do enjoy others efforts)

As we wind down summer - I'm headed to our Renaissance Pleasure Faire (No Cal) not to welcome Autumn but to celebrate a great summer. Even thouth it started with the end of a romance (boo hoo).

I'm thankful

Atonement

I have somehow needed to spin for almost the exact length of a relationship.

I have had to face my fears

I have had to learn some lessons at the cost of losing someone. We both had some big issues.

I wrote some angry things that real love would not write.

I don't want that to be about anger - so I forgive me and I forgive you.

Wow - that hurt.

Amen

Where Did You Go?

OK, I thought I found you and apparently not.

You have been elusive - I wait and then think we've met and we haven't.

I get lots of input from friends and family: don't try so hard, you're acting desperate, you should be more open minded, you're lucky you've met any guy at that age, you should be more discerning.

At 49, having tried many types of men, many paths that would lead me to you - each time I go through an emotional spin-out when I realize it was not you I found.

Not yet, that is.

I always find some hope that you are there. That the very next time I reach out I will find you.

Today I'm not really ready - still spinning a bit from this most recent attempt that didn't work out.

Have patience or get busy looking for me.

I'm here

Help - what now?

Break up got you crazy?

Yup

A new strong emotion every 5 minutes and I keep thinking of follow-up thoughts to our last words. Am I normal - please someone duct tape me to my chair.

How do you cope with this - we're just over 32 hours - WHAT, I'm not patient enough?

ok

What do you suggest? Long walks? Music? no Music?

so the peace doesn't settle in right away?

ok, I'll try a little longer

Terri recommends:

I get comments that people like things I buy (clothes, jewelry, household items) and so I'm going to give a shout out to a few sites I love:

hand made items - household as well as clothing:
http://www.etsy.com/

moderate to expensive but stunning items in cashmere and such:
www.whiteandwarren.com

organic and must have t-shirt wear
www.alternativeapparel.com

tie-dye items
www.sunshinejoy.com

earth and human friendly skin care
www.gardenbotanika.com

I have also found fantastic shopping in airports - on my top 3 is Utah, Salt Lake City, Phoenix, AZ and San Francisco International (particularly the United & International terminals. Oh yeah - must give a shout out for London Heathrow

thats it for now - happy shopping