Good Advice

In my 49 years, I come to know about stories where very public affairs altered lives, hurt feelings, ruined careers and reputations.

As a young woman - I was not always as careful as I might have been which was partly fear and partly naivety.

It may be by the grace of God that mostly - when a couple gets together either in or out of wedlock, planned or unplanned - a life is not created. I remember reading that even on a very good day and in the very best of circumstances - human conception is something like 25% successful or something like that. As a Christian - I think that one of the best supporting arguments for sex AFTER marriage is that human conception is a blessing and responsibility of marriage. I value human life and even children born of scandal can find a better identity than some of the unpleasant labels we have for them. We're humans - no one takes a test before being allowed to have sex and possibly become a parent.

Just reading the ugly story of Senator John Edwards and he is not the first public figure to fall from grace because of an affair. When I read the account of Andrew Young's now public knowledge of the John Edwards affair - I cringe when I read, "according to Mr Edwards, his mistress was unable to bear children."

Hey, they beat the odds!

How powerful are 3 little words - use a condom.

Fit after 40... oh crap!

For years I've been fairly small, petite-ish, havent had to worry about my weight because I was quite active and didn't have a ton of food hang-ups. Worst thing is I adore rice, pasta & bread - and I used to drink occasionally.

Since 39, I have dropped drinking, watched my carbos for the most part - my work life balance is out of whack - and in the last 3 or so years, I know my metabolism is slowing and my exercise routine is scattery. My doctor even said - your metabolism is not good - bad cholesterol is up - get back to the gym!

The last 2 months - I have had a constant 3x a week YMCA visit complete with at least 40 cardio minutes plus weights, abs, squats and weight lifting. Probably another 2 days I do a modest yoga/pilates routine or walk. This has resulted in NO CHANGES. My clothes are not looser, the scale yawns at me - where am I going wrong?

Probably drinking more water through the day is advisable.

So I read about boosting your metabolism after 40 - the word is more smaller meals fed into the machine keeps it constantly burning. I suppose it is worth a try.

Did I mention I'm not good at daily maintenance? Dishes often wait, dust bunnies fly, I don't even take a multi-vitamin. So lady - make some changes or stop complaining.

Birthdays!!! ugh

Thought bubbles

Do you love anyone enough to lick the soap out of their eyes?

As a child - my mom loved me enough to lick the soap out my eyes at bath time. She felt that a washcloth was too harsh and anything else wouldn't do the job better than mom's tongue. Is it any wonder I am an animal freak? Or that I'm as spoiled as I am?

When I think about it - any relationship of mine that ended was either about differing values, possibly selfishness, choices in friends, inability to open up more. But bottom line - if I was complaining that my friend or sweetheart didn't meet my needs or expectations - often times - there just wasn't enough love or respect.

In Gary Chapman's book "The Five Love Languages", he discusses that each of us translate love from one main love language. If our friend or partner does not express themselves in our love language at least some of the time - we're not "feeling it" and likely the relationship will suffer.

I don't believe this unmet need happens only at home. I think this happens in society and at work. Imagine the complexity of the work relationship. Our "contract" states that for a wage and benefits (if you get them) you deliver some sort of output in the form of time and whatever your job requires you to do. At any given point in time - we humans are going through physical issues (ADD, diabetes, gout, PTSD, post nasal drip, PMS and whatever the male version is called), learning disabilities (dyslexia, visual learners without good visual cues, kinesthetic learners without enough stimuli, and all the other variations), over stimulation in the form of meetings, e-mails, phone calls and multitasking. Besides this - who gets enough respect at work? If your love language is quality time and your boss or your team wont explain themselves clearly - do you think it affects how well you cope and deliver at work? If your identity at home is suffering - do you look for it at work? And vice versa. If you don't get it at home or at work - where do you go? Alchohol? smoking? drugs? Internet chat rooms or porn?

Yes, very touchy feely - but we're humans and we need to get our needs met.

Much of my needs are currently being met by a very few number of people and God. This last one has licked more than a few of the bubbles from my eyes. We're going through some trying times - the media present us with the shock value of the words of our current crisis (is Brangelina on or off? Did Newt SLAM Obama?). The economy is bad - its bad in most countries. World hunger, natural and man made disaster (i.e. war, oppression, ignorance) are the soap bubbles in our eyes. Who is there to lick these bubbles from our eyes?

Mom said that natural saliva quickly removes the bubbles and converts the stingy soap to a consistency more like tears. I think the shock value of knowing my mom would do that stopped me from crying and distracted me from the irritation. Anyway - my love language is quality time and hers is words of affirmation. I got my quality time - and she got my words: "thank you mom". Problem solved.

If only we as America could figure out how to get the bubbles out of our eyes and then share with the others. That would be shocking.