Tuesday, July 1, 2025

Do you remember the first time the Holy Spirit communicated with you?

Do you remember the first time the Holy Spirit communicated with you?

Did you know what was happening?

A confirmation? Some guidance?  Some chastening? Comfort?

I was fairly linear as a kid so promptings of the Sprit wasn't "a still small voice" but more of an odd feeling I could not define because it was rare.

I did feel nice when I was baptized but not like other children spoke of an certainly not like the adults told me.  I felt good, but not really different. 

I remember a rather strong feeling that woke me up as I was asleep across the front of a boat on Clear lake on a trip with my boyfriend and his friends.  I was sick and 


Thursday, February 20, 2025

Is death a blessing

This year I have known at least 3 people who died, plus 5 animals who were my pet sitting clients who passed "over the Rainbow Bridge".  My father has often said, "it would be a blessing if they pass", or that their death was "a blessing."  

A few of my friends parents died if different age related issues.  A church friend, Laurel, battled stage 4, metastatic breast cancer that spread to her spine and eventually all over her body.

My nephew accidentally took his own life by taking a volume of uppers with alcohol and, likely, because he was on his back he asphyxiated or aspirated his own vomit.

Another church friend died of complications from a fall which left him paralyzed and possibly other health issues that took his life.

I've watched my Mother decline with advanced Macular degeneration and then weakness that has taken her ability to walk without the help of a walker and human assistance.  Her memory has shortened, she is still smart once she hears and sees you, but she is not all there.  I miss her and have told my soul I need to let her go whenever it seems right.  While I know it is coming, I do not see her death as a blessing but just a step in life.  

My father has been in a decline since Dec 2023.  I have known he has vision issues since before his cataracts problems.  His balance is a pretty constant problem, he falls at least 1x a week.  Since he is the chef, the house and yard cleaner, the bill payer - I see him stumble, and struggle to remember things correctly, gets mom and I in an accident in April 2024 and not apologize about it - his accuracy is off.  His health is off but he manages to get up each day and go through a modicum of tasks...all the while a bit depressed that his wife of 67 years is not the same person she was, even last year.

I think of my parents as teenagers now, each with their own issues.

The time is coming, but I dont know when.  It will not be a blessing or a curse - just a thing that happens.

Thursday, August 8, 2024

On messaging we learn in our youth

 Inspiration for these thoughts are after talking with my neice after a series of life changes that were going on around her.

1. Are we really meant to be with someone?

    my answer: you may desire to be with someone (which is probably normal) but to do that you must meet and find someone who also wants the same things and you need to find that person you can get along with.  you need to both want each other and work out how and when and what you will do.  when you find some who does not work with you, or you with him - remember you can't change them and likely, they will not change you.

2. Were we trained to be in a partnership of some kind or were we just given the message that we weren't meant to be alone?

    my answer: if you grew up in a religious community, this may be driven by the "man was not meant to be alone" and "be fruitful and multiply."  Not everyone will marry or even end up in a successful partnership.  some continually try and fail.  Our modern idea of a relationship is likely not what God has in mind.

3. If you are forced out of work by your manager, is it really a bad thing?  Was it working for you and not for them?  

    my answer: probably it wasn't working for you either.  you do need a job, just not that one.

4. Do we overdramatize the bad and over hype the good?

    my answer: even bad things that happen can have a good outcome.

5. If you try and fail and try and fail is this really a problem?

    my experience: after being laid off from the "dot com crash" I applied for probably 100 jobs per month which might have resulted in 1 or 2 interviews a month and only part time temp jobs between 2002 and 2004.  for 3 years I "circled the drain" in mostly joblessness.  I grew a ton in that time and recieved a multitude of inspiration.  I also grew a testimony of God then. I did build some great friendships.  I was frustrated but happy.

6. Do you have this list of items to do:

    I will be happy if

    I will be happy when

    I am a success because

        and are your answers to these things true or based on some old set of rules you live by?

        do your rules or internal messages need a re-think?

    my answer: look at every story about Jesus.  In his adult life as he started on his "mission", 40 days of fasting in the wilderness and when he returned, he is always confident, he knows his purpose, he does not attack anyone but teaches and continues his work.

    what is your work?

    you might need to revisit some of the narratives you hold and see if you need to replace them and find a new pathway to happiness and success



Thursday, April 18, 2024

On addiction....

I made a committment not to drink or smoke or have coffee or tea because it is part of the word of wisdom (words, I think).

Occasionally I would have a half glass of wine with a friend but since 2020 - I've been a pretty regular drinker.  In 2022 I got a better handle on things but in 2023 and since then, I recognize the pattern has begun again.

Is it habbit?  Do I like the sugar in the wine or mule?

Do I like the non-water break at the end of the day?  Could I replace it with something better?

Do I like the added 200-300 calories per day that is contributing to my other issue (weight)?

If I completely dropped drinking I could say that:

1) I have a handle on my sobriety; I am dealing with my day on my own skills.

2) I would be dropping 1400 - 2100 calories per week.

3) I'd be saving myself roughly $35 - $50 per week


What about coffee?

Swearing?

Purchasing things I don't need?

Worrying about things that don't really make me happy


Monday, October 9, 2023

Seek Peace even when it is not offered

From talk in stake conference by ??

End personal conflict in my heart

I follow the prince of peace

How to get more spiritual momentum

1) get on the covenant path and stay there

2) obey the commandments

3) discover the joy of daily repentance

4) seek and expect miracles

6) ask god to help me exercise my faith

7) end conflict in my personal life and in my heart.  exercise strength and humility

cast the influence of satan aside

resist temptation

How to talk to an aggressor

From Parade Magazine
12 Phrases To Use When Someone Is 'Talking Down' to You—and Why They Work, According to Psychologists
Beth Ann Meyer
October 9, 2023

A woman receiving a condescending email on her phone

Nothing can squash your confidence quite like someone talking down to you.

"When someone talks down to you, they are communicating about their perceived superiority and their perception of your inferiority," says Dr. Erisa Preston, Psy.D. of Mindpath Health.

It can mess with your head—even if you had been seriously vibing hours before.

"When someone talks down to you, it can feel like they are taking away your sense of autonomy—knowing who you are and what you want, and competency—knowing what to do and how to do it," says Dr. Jan Newman, Ph.D., a psychologist and founder of Momentum Psychology. "A sense of autonomy and competency or mastery are fundamental human needs and are key to motivation."

It sounds deep. But if it also sounds relatable, you've likely experienced someone talking down to you. Perhaps it's a regular thing in the office or even with a so-called pal or family member. Rising to the occasion and responding can feel daunting but ultimately beneficial to your mental well-being.

"It is important to know how to—when safe—respond to a person who is talking down to you to assert your unique thoughts and feelings about the situation being discussed," says Dr. Marty A. Cooper, Ph.D., LMHC, NCC, a SUNY Westbury associate professor and psychologist. "This can preserve a sense of self, one’s autonomy and prevent internalizing the idea that others know better."

Ready to take back your confidence? Read on for ways to respond to condescending people.

Related: How To Stop Worrying That Someone Is Mad at You, According to a Psychologist

What Is an Example of Being Talked Down To?
Psychologists say that condescending behavior can take several forms. For example, a person may explain something you already know (sometimes referred to culturally as "mansplaining," Dr. Cooper says). Dr. Newman says a condescending person may try to tell you how to view yourself, feel or think.

"In general, these statements will include absolutes like you always, never or have to do something," Dr. Newman says.

Interrupting is another sign you're being talked down to.

"It might sound like a wife interrupting her husband’s story at a dinner party to say something like, 'What he meant to say was,'" Dr. Newman says.

A good rule of thumb: Trust your gut. "Remember, if you feel it as put down, it probably is," says Dr. Harry Cohen, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of Be the Sun, Not the Salt.

Related: 11 Common Behaviors of Authentic People—and One Thing They *Never* Do, According to Therapists

How To Respond to Condescending People
1. "I have some additional thoughts."
This phrase is non-confrontational but direct. Dr. Cooper suggests giving it a try if you've been shut down—perhaps even interrupted—by a condescending person with an opposing view.

"This technique is designed to be additive to the conversation without directly challenging the other person," Dr. Cooper says.

2. "I would love to start over if you are ready to communicate like an adult."
It's saucy, but Dr. Brittany McGeehan, Ph.D., a Texas-based licensed psychologist, recommends using this phrase as part of a larger response.

She suggests saying, "I actually don't tolerate being spoken down to as it's disrespectful and erodes trust. I would love to start over if you are ready to communicate like an adult."

Saucy? Yes—and Dr. McGeehan cautions that it is best to only direct toward specific people.

"It is only going to work if you are in a situation where the consequences aren't going to be huge or you know the other person is capable of hearing you," Dr. McGeehan says.

It's a judgment call only you can make. But Dr. McGeehan says that—used correctly—this spicy statement is effective.

"This names the disrespectful behavior, states why you don't tolerate it and playfully invites the person to try again but in an appropriate way," Dr. McGeehan says. "You totally deflect the offensive comment and emotion being thrown your way."

3. "I notice you seem really annoyed right now....it’s making me wonder if everything is OK with you?”
Dr. Preston loves the way this response exudes grace and strength under pressure.

"You indirectly address the condescension while also modeling that when someone seems to be having an emotional moment," Dr. Preston says. "You are also flipping the attention from yourself to them and making them aware you are evaluating them."

4. "I’d like to ask you respectfully not to address me in that way. I’d prefer..."
Delivered in a calm tone, Dr. Cohen says this phrase can diplomatically—but directly—stop the disrespect ASAP while offering a concrete Rx.

5. "Let me interrupt you right there..."
Sometimes, interrupting can be a flag for condescending behavior. Other times, it's a way to put a stop to it.

"It prevents any more hurtful words from being expressed," Dr. Cohen says.

6. "I don’t allow people to speak to me like this."
Dr. Preston says this phrase is an excellent way to set a boundary. You might follow it with, "If you cannot treat me with respect, I’m going to leave this conversation and we can try again when you feel you are more capable of being respectful."

"You are directly commenting on the behavior you find unacceptable, communicating about what needs to change and indicating what will be the consequences if you do not see an immediate shift in behavior," Dr. Preston says. "The other person likely is not used to people setting boundaries and sticking to them, so it will catch their attention."

Related: The #1 Best Way To End a Card, According to Psychologists

7. "I see it another way."
If someone is talking over you and disregarding your opinion, this phrase can shift the focus of a one-sided conversation.

"This technique does challenge the other perspective without explicitly stating that you think the other person is wrong," Dr. Cooper says.

8. "I'll wait for you to rephrase that in a respectful manner."
Dr. McGeehan is a fan of this one because it sets a boundary.

"You want to make it clear that you aren't willing to be treated in that way," Dr. McGeehan says. "It also doesn't engage with the content of whatever they were throwing your way, which is fabulous because someone can't make you feel something that you don't believe."

9. "I'm not sure what you're putting down, but I'm not picking it up."
Another tongue-in-cheek phrase, Dr. McGeehan recommends only using this one in personal settings and using a playful tone. Don't worry. The person will still likely know you mean business.

"It's taking the wind out of their sails because you aren't engaging with the content of what they've said, but rather naming their behavior and stating that you won't be engaging with it," Dr. McGeehan says.

10. "Let me take a moment and rephrase what you said because I don’t believe you intended to talk down to me."
Dr. Preston says this one has short-term benefits for the condescending person and long-term benefits for your emotional well-being.

"It lets them save face for their put down but reminds them never to do it again," Dr. Preston says.

11. "So what I'm hearing is X. Did I get that?"
Dr. McGeehan suggests using this phrase with someone who you just know is trying to get a rise out of you. It allows you to side-step. For example, a boss says, "You really need to work on your leadership skills if you want to get promoted. You've got a long way to go at this rate."

You could respond with, 'It sounds like you see leadership skills as being necessary for promotion at this company. Did I get that?'" Dr. McGeehan says. "Then, I would probably ask for elaboration. It doesn't pay any mind to the disrespectful message within the message but rather focuses on the facts."

12. "Ouch! Did you realize that what you said hurt?"
Dr. Cohen loves that this phrase directly addresses hurt feelings. But the question keeps it from sounding too accusatory.

"This allows a quick amends," Dr. Cohen says.

Is It Ever OK Not To Respond to Someone Talking Down to You?
Of course. Experts share that sometimes the best response is no response—or at least a delayed one. For instance, it's best to wait if you're not emotionally regulated. Dr. Newman asks her clients to rate their stress levels on a scale of 1 to 10.

"Our anchor point is usually that anything over a six will require more regulation and coping first," Dr. Newman says. "If you’re not regulated, then the pivot is going to be to bookmark the conversation until you’re calmer."

Dr. McGeehan agrees that taking a beat and checking in with yourself is important, particularly in workplace settings.

"Excusing yourself to use the restroom or get some air will allow you to step away from the situation and ground yourself before coming back," Dr. McGeehan says.

Another time that it's best for you just to let the condescending nature fly? You're dealing with a narcissistic ex.

"In these situations, the person gets their power from any kind of response from you," Dr. McGeehan says. "Therefore, treating them as nothing more than a fly on the wall can be a very effective tool for dealing with them."

Finally, you can skip a response if it feels right to you.

"You are the gatekeeper of your peace and energy and don't owe anyone an explanation for protecting it," Dr. McGeehan says

Thursday, July 26, 2018

So Nice to Pet You


As I write this, I am still in the aftermath of the too-soon death of my not-quite 5 year old cat Armando.

My precious snowy white boy found me by way of a chance meeting at Pet Food Express where I was grabbing a few items and chatting with a sales clerk about my job issues and how my pets (cats so far) were a light in an otherwise frustrating and sometimes disappointing life.  Another patron joined the conversation and told me she was trying to find homes for some kittens she had rescued and asked if I was interested in another cat.  My answer was a FIRM "NO" but after some good conversation, I did follow her to her car to see a tiny dirty 5 week old kitten that had been found in a field while it's mother seemed nowhere in sight.  The kitten needed care which "crazy cat lady" was in the process of giving her but had too much else to do as a full time dog walker.  We shared contact information and eventually I did meet with her just to take a look.  We went to her home high in the hills to see 5 more kittens that were white or mostly white, were altered and given shots and she was hoping to find them homes.

My childhood love was a white with red and black spots (calico?) who knew all my secrets, was an impressive bird killer, and whose white hairs marked my dark clothes.  Suzie was a talker, she would listen to me and roll on her back with her head upside down looking at me while I told her stuff. I kind of promised myself, never another white cat or dog.

Do I need another cat?  What kind of a question is that?  Pets are not a necessity.  But once you let them into your life (or once they FIND you) love finds its way.  Pets are messy and an expensive non-essential habit.  Like children, you endear yourself to them (or with them) but they don't move away or spend all their time with their friends, on their smartphone or listening to music.  Each has a distinct personality and I have noted, they go through phases much like humans.

The kittens were adorable, about 5 months old and "Lucky" stood out straight away.  He had the most precious celadon green eyes, all soft plush white except a light grey U on his neck (hence she named him Lucky), large feet and very sweet, if shy, demeanor.  I told her I wanted him but would need a little time to get some things settled for him since I had just given notice at work and was not sure when the new job would be finalized...and I had 2 boy cats at home to consider.  We kept in contact and about 8 weeks later... Armando ('Mondo) joined and many other annoying names I gave him.  Jasper (my then 11 year old dark brown boy) was OK with the new guy but Peter (my then 10 year old semi feral tabby) wanted nothing to do with a baby brother.

Armando was loving and sweet upon first coming home.  We took it slow - he lived in a large cage in my room for 2 weeks.  My oldest Jasper was the epitome of benevolence (until you cross him) but Peter (previously the baby, now the middle "brofur") was jealous.  'Mondo wanted to be together, wanted to be with his brofurs and pretty much followed them around.  He would melt into me when I picked him up and melt on me when he came to lie down.  

I didn't see it at first but over time, Peter would lash out at Mondo and later I would find him alone and give him special attention, profess my undying love and promised him one day life would be all about Armando.  Just over 2 years into our life together, brofur Jasper left us after 13 awesome years together and signs of hyperthyroid and possibly congestive heart failure.  Peter and I were distraught and since Jasper was kind to Mondo, I'm sure Armando was sad too.  I think the next 2 years is where Pete increased in aggression towards Mondo.  I tried a few things to reduce aggression: pet therapist, a few products that claimed to neutralize aggression.  Actually, what seemed to work best was when I lied down in between them and talked with them while petting them. Armando started pee'ing on things: the sofa, the front doorway.

Exactly 2 years later and I felt like we were settling into a routine and recall, in my mind - Pete will be 15 this year.  I'm thinking he is too old to be too mean to Mondo but Pete persisted.  I continue telling Mondo one day you will be king and it will be all about you.  This was a lie as on Easter morning 2018, upon returning from doing some pet sitting for about 2 hours, I came home to find Armando laying on the living room floor.  Dead.  The Vet thinks it was likely a heart attack (or stroke).  He died just shy of his 5th birthday.  Peter was fine with this.  I am broken.  Armando was my joy.

Before him, I have felt the empty space of friends and family and numerous other pets who have gone over the rainbow bridge.  Grief is grief but it is slightly different for pets.  With people we have our words and our time we spend together.  We can say goodbye and I'll miss you or I'll never forget you.  Sometimes, as with Armando, you have no time to say anything and in your guilt you wonder if the pet understood how much you loved them.

With pets, are relationships different?  Is grief different because we don't have words?

I will explore the relationships we have with them and the connection those of us who admit we have


Pretty white boy
constant purring

Hiding in my closet or under the bed
Leaping up to me in my bedroom to get another pet (like a goat)
How I loved your squeek, your desire to be Pete's friend, your bunny soft fur and playing in the Kitty Block with absolute joy.