I'm having a hard time being patient with the grieving process - I used to call it spinning but apparently it is quite normal. Cycle through denial, into bargaining, under the bridge of shock (there wasn't much of this), a quick roundabout on guilt (did I do something wrong?), several hours on the depression lagoon (I am helpless - I wont give him what he wants and he wont give me what I want). I fear anger is looming but I haven't even let it.
I have let it lurk longer than needed - and I accept that. If I really care about someone it wont be over quickly. But I am learning to just let it all happen... I'm trying to be patient with me - eat well, exercise - love me.
Acknowledgements:
This was as drama free (for me) as a break-up has been. He wants something I don't offer - the tears came and I know it has to be over - but I don't want to.
I am loving myself for trying.
I am thankful to have found love at all. At 51 - it would be easy to cash in and say I'm too old and undesirable. I think I'm cuter than ever.
I tried my best. I was charming and delightful - prayed for the guy, was good company and listened to the rants and issues.
I am thankful for work friends, train friends, Mom and Dad, brother and sister-in-law - long term friends who are there for me to listen and love me. I am blessed.
Then of course, the Lord hears my pleas - my cries - and comforts me. Helps me find the best information about loving me and moving on.
I will. This was right before Christmas and that is not a great time to end something.
Everything will be fine and tomorrow is another day, Scarlett.
